City Life Magazine: Pink or Blue?

(I write for a local monthly publication called City Life. I know some of you don't live near me, so I want to start sharing these columns with you here, too. You can click here to flip through the pages of the publication, or just read my article below. This was my column for April.)

Pink or Blue

It’s a girl.


On February 21, I heard those words for the first time. The three little words that forever changed my life. There would be no more blind guessing or Chinese gender charts to consult. It was confirmed. Our baby was a girl.

I tried not to be the woman who sobbed uncontrollably in front of the ultrasound tech, but I cannot deny that my eyes welled with tears and a lump formed in my throat, making each simple swallow feel like a gulp.

This was the first glimpse of what our family would look like.

My husband, Ty, and I walked back out to the waiting room with full smiles but quietly absorbing the news. We sat down to wait to see the doctor when Ty broke the silence.

“We’re going to be so broke.”

Spoken like a true Dad.

I reassured him that it wouldn’t be that much more expensive. Of course, there would be hair bows and cute shoes and smocked dresses, but Ty’s head filled with the natural concerns of any new father. This would only be the beginning. One day there would be prom dresses and the never-ending desire for new clothes … not to mention an entire wedding.

Leading up to our February 21 appointment, Ty and I were not bashful about what gender we were hoping for. We thought we wanted a boy.

Ty and I hoped for a boy for different reasons. My husband wanted a son to romp around in the woods with and take to the duck camp on the weekends.

I wanted a boy because that’s what I knew. I have an older brother, and although he could torment me unlike any other, I always knew if anyone else tried to do the same, he would look after me. Part of me wanted the same protective older brother if Ty and I ever had a girl.

But if I’d thought beyond the surface things, perhaps a greater part of me wanted a girl. Having been raised primarily by my dad, I never had the opportunity to experience the special bond between a mother and daughter.

I had a wonderful childhood, filled with love and support from so many people who treated me like their own, but a mother/daughter relationship has always been the missing piece. It’s something that’s always tugged at me when I’ve watched my girlfriends with their moms. It was one thing I never had.

Having a boy may have been the most familiar to me, but having a girl is God ordained in my life. Hearing that we were expecting a girl was the first gift of many.

In the past several weeks, my mind has regularly flashed forward to all the gifts still to come. I think about all the things I wish for her life. I hope that she’s not afraid to get dirty and will love spending weekends with her dad at the duck camp. Even though I may not be her favorite person at times, I hope one day we will be great friends.

I hope I can be a strong example in her life and provide her a loving home. I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes in her life. I hope she loves her Dad as much as I love mine and has a close relationship with him. I hope one day she reads this and knows how much I loved her even before she was born.

Many years from now, Ty and I will watch her get married and this will feel like ages ago. I hope on that day, I can look back know I gave her my very best as a mother.

On February 21, I realized that I’m not just having a girl, I’m having a daughter. This relationship will be new to both of us, but I can’t wait to meet her and experience this world by her side.