Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Funniest Thing I Have Ever Read

After reading "New Moon" on our honeymoon, I needed a break from the "Twilight" drama. Is it just me or is Bella the most obnoxious literary character of all time? Can we say co-dependant much? I know a lot of people love these books, but I really don't know how I'll make it through the next two books in the series.

I needed a break from it all, and so I thought a nice diversion would be Chelsea Handler's first book, "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea." I've had the book for a while, but I've been unable to read it in light of the breaking news that she and 50 Cent are dating. He's gross, right?

But, I really like Chelsea and thought she could offer up a few laughs. Let me summarize and tell you everything you need to know about this book in one short sentence -- It's the funniest thing I've ever read.


And considering I won a reading contest in 1st grade for reading 200-plus books in a matter of weeks, you should trust my opinion on this. I've read a lot.

So, every night this week, I've gotten in bed and literally laughed out loud at Chelsea's stories.  Here's a great excerpt to wet your appetite:
I turned around and spotted Jason Safirstein. Jason was an adorable fifth grade with an amazing lower body who lived down the street from me. I had never walked to school, had a conversation with, or even so much as made eye contact with Jason before. After lifting up one of my earmuffs to make sure I had heard him correctly, I nervously attempted to release my wedgie while waiting for him to catch up. (A futile effort, as it turned out, when wearing two mittens the size of car batteries.)
"I heard you were going to be in a movie with Goldie Hawn," he said to me, out of breath.
Shit. I had worried something like this was going to happen. The day before, I had forgotten my language arts homework, and when the teacher singled me out in front of the entire class to find out where it was, I told her that I had been in three straight nights of meeting with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, negotiating my contract to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin.
Ty's been out of town for nearly a full week (he gets back from North Dakota today!), but in the meantime, Chelsea has been great company.


melissa said...

LOVE this book! Have you read Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang yet? If not, put it on list of must reads! I can't wait until she comes out with a new book!

Ashley Netherton said...

You'll be happy to know, that I put all of Chelsea's books in my kindle que.. after i finish reading this series, that you & Chris totally dogged me for! But hey what can I say, when the end of the US as we know it comes, and we have to fight each other, I'll know the do's and don'ts!
ps- you never told me, Team Edward, or Team Jacob..?

Stephanie Jordan said...

I haven't read Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang yet. Maybe I'll read it between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn!

Ashley, I'm glad that I've been a good influence for you and helped you move on from those terrible sounding books you've been reading.

I'm Team Neither. Get a guy who doesn't morph into some strange creature ... but that wouldn't be very interesting. But if you put a gun to my head, I would choose Jacob.

Kristen said...

I've read Chelsea Bang Bang and loved it. I don't mean to be a "nag" but you said yesterday you would post your recipe to the broccoli cheese soup and I don't see it. I'm just saying I love soup and that kind of weather is eventually going to make it down to H-town and I'll need that recipe Mrs. Jordan!

Stephanie Jordan said...

I'm so disappointed in myself ... I realized halfway to work this morning that I'd forgotten the cookbook at home.

I promise the recipe will be up on Monday!

Kristen said...

You're the best Stephanie! I'll actually look forward to a Monday for a change!

Mandy S said...

yes, i'm on like the last chapter of this book now!!! HILARIOUS!!!